Shocking, unacceptable but true: drivers in Singapore don't give way to ambulances!

I was waiting for the elevator late at night on September 11, 2012 when I saw two paramedics wheeling a stretcher towards it - so I let them go first.  They thanked me, but I thought they didn't have to.  It was only later, when I got to my floor that I realised they had gotten off at my floor too. And then they kept moving towards my parents' apartment that was all the way at the end of the meandering corridor as I tailed them.  I was waiting for them to stop at another home.  But they didn't.  It was like a nightmare that unfolded very slowly - but of course, it was all real.

Eventually they stopped and went into my parents' place.  I still remember one paramedic catching my eye the moment it dawned on me and his expression was of apology.  It was a very gentle "I'm sorry", coming from someone who experiences this everyday.

My dad had a severe stroke.  He was struck by sudden numbness on one side of his body and fell off the bed.  Once I entered the house I had no time to panic.  I had to calm my mom (who was sleeping beside him when it happened) and help the two paramedics (my dad was too heavy for them to manage).

More than a year later I still look back and think that we never saw it coming.  Did he seem out of sorts when I had dinner with him just two days before?  Not at all, but in retrospect it did seem like he was unusually vocal about saying I should go for a vacation in Taiwan with him (he is really frugal and never pushy).

But I guess he never saw it coming either.  During the first night when he was slipping in and out of a dream state, I remember this moment of clarity when he realised what had happened to him and he said some things that broke my heart "Why did this happen to me? It's so unfair. I've been good."

Life is unfair.  I say that not out of dejection or pessimism.  Rather this situation (among others) reminded me that this moment will come - when something happens to you or me that we'd rather not have happen.  In fact the word 'stroke' really tells a story, that your life could change in an instant - in one stroke.

Whether you choose to party hard because you only live once or be compulsively healthy to stay in good shape for as long as possible, just remember to be kind.  Be kind to your friends, your lovers, your parents - and that person in the ambulance behind your car.

Image by pandora_6666 (Flickr)

You may also be interested in: The price to pay for progress is memories

The sense of home doesn't have to come from a physical location - but it helps.  If you have a childhood home layered with memories over the years, returning to that space must trigger certain emotions.

The Singapore idea of a house is not permanent - you start with a government subsidised public apartment but you dream to 'upgrade' to a condominium and then something 'landed'.  Flipping property is so common that most spam here consists of flyers for new property launches, not Viagra or scams.  We're not talking about people being evicted - there is a 5-year lock-in period to prevent people from moving on from their first home too quickly.

Even when it comes to public or commercial spaces, land scarcity makes places impermanent.  We're not talking about hundreds of years.  If a cafe stays open for three years, I'd already celebrate its success.

This post was written on the day I found out that SOHO Coffee is now closed.

High rents, shortage of service staff and plenty of competing options means that margins are thin and operations are stressful in the Singapore food and drinks scene.  Apparently in the first 11 months of 2013, on average 52 restaurants opened each month, and 40 restaurants closed.

Here's a personal (and progressively updated) 'graveyard' for the Singapore restaurants and cafes that I loved but have since gone.  It is also my way of keeping track of this city that changes all the time.  I wonder if in Singapore the price to pay for progress is memories?

As Wright Morris said, "anything processed by memory is fiction," so they are accompanied by my biased memories.

• Foodbar Dada at Robertson Quay.  Like most guys I don't get tapas since they weren't designed to fill you up like a meal should.  But the food was simple but outstanding - sometimes just fresh ingredients grilled with salt, pepper and the right heat.  It helped that the spot was near my office and right next to Smitten (a cafe I hope never appears on this list).  I loved that they decorated the space with wood salvaged from the Tanjong Pagar KTM Railway station.  It was on my go-again list but sadly it closed before I could return.
• Restaurant Chako.  A sleepy spot along the West Coast.  Literally sleepy - I remember once I went with no reservations and Chako had to go wake her husband and daughter up to help cook because they weren't expecting walk-ins.  And they were so slow they almost force you to buy the 'oden' dish because it was pre-cooked.  Pre-ordering didn't seem to help.  On one of my visits I remember someone watching a movie on their iPad as they waited and I wish I did that too.  As with things in Singapore, the building has been razed to make way for another condominium.

• 
  SOHO Coffee.  I snapped this Instagram shot right in front of the cafe.  It represented the spirit of SOHO Coffee, a spot that was classic and comfortable, rather than the industrial-chic + uncomfortable chairs that plague most hipster cafes.  The location, in a quiet corner of the quaint neighbourhood of Armenian Street (near The Substation and Fort Canning), was perfect for a weekday retreat when I needed to reflect on certain things.  It was sad to see it hollowed out when I went there today (3 January 2014).
  
• Baker and Cook (Martin Road).  Killed by the pointless LTA ruling that bans outdoor seating on the walkway.  The walkway there was incredibly wide, and seriously, no one walked there other than to go to Baker and Cook!  (January 2014).
  

Check out my other posts on Singapore.

I've never really had problems finding exciting things to do in Singapore.  After I joined Peatix, the challenge became having to choose from events happening in the same evening or over the same weekend.

So the events are there in quantity and quality.  But the group of people seeking adventurous things to do seems pretty small - events with strong content still fail to attract a crowd when they deserve to.

And often, organisers do not have the time, patience or commitment to communicate their event's value clearly.  If you go to the root of it, often the organisers are so immersed in their own event, it is hard to step back and are think like the attendee.

Here are my suggestions of "How to think like your Singapore attendee":

1. You're up against all the free events that are *free* AND have free food & booze
   Yes, you're up against better-than-free.  Deep-pocketed brands and government funded agencies are running loss-making / loss-leading events that heavily distorts expectations.  
   
   So if your event is free, please don't be shy - shout it out.  If your event is paid, it is your responsibility to explain what the attendee gets for paying.  Better yet, invest time in building a relationship with sponsors - it will be worth it in the long-run.
   
   And don't judge behaviour - everyone loves free, it's just whether they embrace it or scorn those who embrace it (out of jealously).
   
   
2. Think from the attendee's perspective, not your own.
   You the organiser deserve to be paid for your efforts, and content is still king - but don't think of yourself.  Think of why the attendee would bother travelling to your event, spend time and money.  That makes the whole difference of how you describe your event.  And it isn't complex - for live experiences people generally want 1) knowledge - for work or themselves 2) new friends or new business contacts 3) to have fun!
   
   
3. Tell people what they're getting.  List it out.  Tell a story.
   People want unique experiences.  They want a good deal.  If you don't bother describing the speaker, the venue, the other attendees, the food catered, the view, your personal story of why you're doing this - how would they know?
   
   
4. Create a sense of a good deal
   It is common knowledge that in the United States, stores mark-up the price of goods leading up to Thanksgiving, so they can make a deeper cut for Black Friday.  I'm not asking you to lie or mislead.  All I'm saying is that people want to feel like they got a good deal.

Now it's time to get everyone who complains Singapore is boring of the bloody malls and cookie-cutter chain restaurants.  We've got lots of great events happening all the time.  Do we need another Uniqlo, JEM Mall or cinema showing the same Hollywood movie?  You've put together the wonderful content - time to hook the Singapore attendee in!